The Unbearable Pain of Losing You
Loss is an uninvited guest that never leaves. It settles in your heart, whispering the absence of the one you once held so close. Losing a loved one forever is like losing a piece of your soul, a part of your existence .When the person who was once your whole world is suddenly taken away from you, life becomes a battle of survival. You wake up to the same mornings, follow the same routines, and perform the same actions but now, without them. The absence is deafening, and the pain is beyond words.For me, that irreplaceable person was my Mausi ; my first mother, my safe place, my guiding light and a part of myself . It’s been fifteen years, but the void remains just as deep, just as raw.
I used to call her ‘Mom’ because she was nothing less than that. She showered me with love, fulfilling my smallest wishes before I could even voice them. Her life revolved around me, and mine around her. My days started with her gentle voice waking me up and ended with her soothing words lulling me to sleep. And then, one day, just like that, she was gone. No warning, no goodbye just silence where her voice used to be.
The toughest part of grief is not just missing the person but learning to live without them. I still find myself doing things she used to do for me, only now, the warmth of her presence is missing. People often tell me how much I resemble her, how my habits mirror hers. I am addicted to tea, just like she was. Every time I make a cup for myself, I wish I could make one for her too. Shopping excites me, birthdays still fill me with joy, months in advance just like they did for her. These tiny similarities remind me of her presence in my life, even in her absence. Everytime I look at the old pictures where she smiles back at me, and for a moment, it feels like she’s still here. But then reality hits, and you know what is the hardest part? The fear of forgetting. I struggle to recall the exact sound of her voice, the sound of her laughter, the way she used to call my name, and this shatters me. Memories blur, but her presence lingers in fragments, small glimpses, fleeting moments that I hold onto with all my heart.
Yet, in my sorrow, I have found a strange solace. She is still here not in the way I want, not in the way I crave, but she lingers in the spaces she once filled. In my laughter and my tears, in my success and my failures, in my hostel room and my home, In the old photographs that I scroll through when I miss her too much. In the way I carry myself, in the way I smile. She is in every corner of my existence, woven into my being, forever alive in my heart.
I hold onto the glimpses of her ,the faint memories, the way she held my hand, the way she cared for me like I was her own daughter. These fragments are all I have, but they are enough to keep her with me.
I miss you, Mom. I wish I could hug you just once more, hold you tightly, and tell you how much I love you. I'll definitely make you proud one day .But until we meet again, I will carry you within me, always.